I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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