So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
