You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
