She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
