I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
