I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize