I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
