He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
