so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
