ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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