I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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