my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
