I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize