it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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