We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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