FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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