she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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