Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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