hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
