I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize