Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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