you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
