I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
