I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
