Heybabeimwearingurpanties
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
