If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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