everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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