Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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