I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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