last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize