Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
