That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
