Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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