I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
