69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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