She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
