In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize