I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
