I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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