Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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