Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
