There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
