please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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