My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
