We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
