ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize