Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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