apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
