I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
