you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You can't just leave with hair like that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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