Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
