I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
