Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
