Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
