We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
