Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
high people should be assigned attendants
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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