wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
