so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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