So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
