Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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