Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
