Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
