I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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