Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
