I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize