ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
