girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
