made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
